etirabys:

probably no one else finds this funny and I’m driving away my friends a fraction of a percent at a time every time I do it, but I think the height of comedy is when you react to an emoji with the same emoji in a chat medium that permits this

alonelybeemakingart:

juicedoesthings:

juicedoesthings:

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn’t read the things written by Hand, because he wasn’t wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he’s like:

“Oh, sorry sir you can’t do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)”

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen’t take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

definitelynotlazav:

“girlboss.” “malewife.” “Meowth! that’s right!”

drizzledrawings:

Happy pride!!! Have some girls in love

rosarrie:

little bear

jadeeyes1:

orteil42:

orteil42:

love drinking water while taking a piss every chance i get to remind myself of my status as, ultimately, just a loud little tube with opinions

single btw

Can’t imagine why.

chasekip:

anyone else remember how sick this scene was from the first pokemon movie?

• the clean remix of the original theme
• bulbasaur going airborne and being the amazing cabbage he is
• squirtle throwing hands with a machamp
• pikachu defying logic and beating a ground type with thunderbolt

critics all say this movie was terrible and tbh??? can’t relate…i’ll die loving this movie sorry

lohboh:

the word “girl” is losing its original meaning to me I just say “girl help” and “girl why” every time something even mildly inconveniences me

tallahasseemp3:

i don’t think humans are inherently bad i just don’t. once i posted about how i can’t ever get poached eggs right and someone took time out of their day to send me tips on how to make them. they used their finite time on this planet to teach me how to poach an egg with no motivation other than helping a stranger have a better breakfast and if that isn’t proof humanity is worth saving i don’t know what is

wrender:

Heavy is the chest that wears the tits or whatever

honeyglot:

shirt that says “as above” and booty shorts that say “so below”

pauhami:

“After all, what is a shadow if there is no light”, it spoke softly.

A little something I’ve done between work.

punk-rocking-nerd:

kiwimochaccino:

seravph:

“what’s the worst fruit” i hope you fucking die im strangling you what the hell is wrong with you. ‘the worst fruit’… has god not made all of these fruits in the same light???? cunt

Red Delicious Apples